Parenting can be a challenging experience for most parents. Because we’re the “parent” We often feel like we should have all the answers when it comes to raising our children. And when we don’t have the answer, we may be compelled to say, “…because I said so!” We may feel as though we have to do something when our authority is challenged and correct the child.

When children oppose us, they are looking to gain power, but in a negative way. Sometimes, however, a response invites more opposition, escalating the situation: the battle is on!

What if the situation requires us to do absolutely nothing? “What?!” You might ask, “…and give in or allow my child to disrespect my authority?” Well, maybe. Let’s take a look at a couple of examples when this indeed might be the best approach.

Consider our first example: A toddler discovers a new annoying vocal sound or behavior. The parent attempts to correct or stop the behavior. Instead of reducing or stopping the behavior, it increases. In this situation it’s fairly obvious that the child has learned that this is a good way to get dad’s attention. So, the “correction” actually led to more of the behavior.

In our second example, a child refuses to put on their seat belt. A power struggle ensues. The parent of course wins in the end, but not without tremendous upset, leaving both parent and child unhappy.

What if the parent ignores the child’s behavior? In this case, not putting on their seat belt. By doing so, the parent removes the element of opposition. Remember, it takes two to tango. Without the parent engaged, the child has lost their goal in the activity, that is, to engage the parent in battle. The child may dawdle, delay or hold out to see if the parent will join in. But when the parent refuses, the child invariably gives up.

The lessons for the child to learn here are: No 1, mommy doesn’t play this game anymore, and No 2, the car doesn’t move until everyone has their seat belt on. Once the child puts on their seat belt, the car begins to move, mom doesn’t say a word about the incident (avoiding giving further attention to the matter).

Paradoxically, the more assertive the parent becomes the more they hand their power over to the child. The lesson for the parent in these examples is to understand that sometimes there is power in repose.

These examples can be generalized to children of all ages. If we take a moment to assess the situation (rather than an immediate response), we will find numerous situations with our kids in which Less is certainly More!