Whining, tantrums, sibling rivalry, not listening or cooperating… the list goes on. These annoying behaviors are familiar to every parent. And yet, these common (and at times age appropriate) behaviors often lead to much unhappiness in the home between parent and child, siblings, and between spouses. If left unchecked, these problematic behaviors are likely to spill over into the child’s life outside the home.

In my work with children and families, I have come across these difficulties over and over. These otherwise 'normal' problem behaviors have grown disproportionately out of control. The parent, at wits end, resorts to heavy-handed discipline or gives in completely to the child’s demands, leaving the parent feeling inadequate and ineffective.

There exists today a flood of “how to” books, magazines, and advice columns that give parents the information they need to know in order to raise emotionally healthy and self-assured children. These sources are generally in agreement as to what is considered psychologically appropriate discipline. And yet, even with the multitude of techniques and emotionally sensitive discipline models, parents are still at a loss when these methods fail, reinforcing the notion that they are indeed bad parents. It all sounds good on paper – but how do these ideas translate into action? As a parent, knowing what to do isn’t always enough!

One reason these otherwise sound approaches fail has to do with the concept of consistency. When a parent is inconsistent, it demonstrates to the child that the parent is not reliable or good on their word. As a result, children will either ignore the parent or ‘test’ parental controls. This is why we often see these behaviors get worse instead of better.

There are many reasons why a parent may have difficulty being consistent or, following through. Typically, parents question or doubt their own judgment. Not because they are bad parents, but out of concern and love for their children. They often wonder, “am I doing the right thing?” Children are very sensitive to these vulnerabilities and are generally adept at taking advantage of them.

Of course no one knows his or her child better than you, the parent. My approach with families begins with this assumption. My job then is to help you tailor a strategy of discipline that fits both you and your child.

Goals are targeted to specific behavior and relationship problems. Interventions are age appropriate and psychologically beneficial for children. Discipline that relies on punishment can often diminish a child’s sense of self-worth. In contrast, I offer a model of discipline that uses consequences that not only make sense to kids, but will also promote a healthy sense of belonging and increased self-esteem.

Parent coaching is not therapy! While it may be important to recognize our own beliefs about how to discipline our children (as they are often derived from our own parents’ example) and what we think is behind our children’s behavior, parent coaching doesn’t concern itself with uncovering ones past. Whether you lack confidence as a parent, have difficulty understanding your child’s behavior, or simply aren’t sure how to approach a particular behavior problem, My approach will guide you to a place that you and your child can feel good about. Solutions are tailored to fit your parenting style as well as your child’s emotional and developmental needs. Our work is collaborative, and solutions build on both yours and your child’s strengths.

If you're interested in parent coaching complete the Parent Questionnaire form to get started.