We all understand the importance of setting limits for our children. Limits teach children self-regulation. Limits also define for children what is socially acceptable. What most parents don’t realize is that children yearn for appropriate limits. Without them, children actually feel vulnerable. A parent who is in control gives the child the feeling of being protected – a sense of safety. When a parent is inconsistent, children no longer know what to expect from the parent or what the parent expects from them.

There are many reasons why parents are inconsistent. Commonly, parents realize on some level that the ‘punishment’ is unfair or impossible to carry out. Some parents feel sorry for the child, thinking that limits will invariably cause emotional scaring. These parents may set limits, but they also tend to give in. When children are aware of these inconsistencies, they tend to not take parental controls seriously. Understanding the underlying importance of limits combined with the use of appropriate consequences, a parent is more likely to follow through on their word.